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Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant

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By Kent Turner -- School Library Journal, 10/21/2009 2:15:00 PM

Josh Hutcherson as Steve
Photo credit: David Lee/Universal Pictures
The freak flag flies high in this rambunctious, speed-through adaptation of the first three “Cirque du Freak” books (Little, Brown) by Darren Shan. Indeed, fans of the macabre will enjoy Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant’s gross-out traveling freak show with star attractions who are just as far-out and fantastical as those in the series: a performing tarantula, a wolf-man, and Salma Hayek as the bearded lady.

The film is hokum, long on action and short on characterization—a B movie. Set in anonymous, suburban America, best friends Steven and Darren fulfill a prophecy. Steven joins forces with the vampaneze (living dead who kill their victims) for world domination. Meanwhile, Darren becomes the assistant of Crepsley, a 220-year-old vampire. He, like all vampires, nourishes on blood, only stunning and not injuring his victims. To aid Crepsley against the vampaneze, Darren becomes a half-vampire, meaning he has to die first. Why, or what exactly a half-vampire is, isn’t clear. In short, don’t think too much about the plot.

Crepsley (John C. Reilly) with girlfriend Madame Truska (Salma Hayak)
Photo credit: David Lee/Universal Pictures
The script widely sidesteps the pitch-black elements of the story. Darren’s school and family face his death with preternatural calm. As Crepsley, John C. Reilly is the least (sexual or otherwise) threatening vampire imaginable. He and most of the cast treat the material with a wink and a nod, like old-time vaudevillians. Donning a pencil-thin mustache, vampire Willem Dafoe offers the best impression of Vincent Price this side of Saturday Night Live.

The movie avoids the darker aspects of the vampire myth, and like the books, it’s more into horror than hormones. It’s not until nearly the end that Darren begins an awkward courtship with freak-next-door Rebecca, a monkey girl (she keeps her tail hidden). In fact, when Crepsley shows Darren the ropes on being a vampire, he chooses the nearest source at hand to suck blood from, not a damsel but a wizened farmer. Eew!

Best friends Steve (Josh Hutcherson) and Darren (Chris Massoglia) gain admission to the freak show
Photo credit: Universal Pictures
Despite the low heat, the film does have some Twilight appeal. For one, the two leads, Josh Hutcherson and Chris Massoglia, are a lot like Robert Pattinson’s Edward, good-looking, but not too pretty, and vulnerable.

Their characters keep their friendship a secret. Steve, from a broken home, is viewed as a bad influence on preppy, big-man-on-campus Darren. In the inevitable special effects-laden climax, the boys square off. Steve, staring into Darren’s eyes, declares he hates his former friend, providing the only heated passion in the movie—now there’s the love story.

Directed by Paul Weitz
108 min.
Rated PG-13

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