Digital Grieving in an Online World
RSSBy Lauren Barack
"And I finally got a text message from Thana saying she couldn't talk, but yes, it's true," says Schembari, a social media consultant living in London. Schembari couldn't fly to Niki's memorial service in San Francisco by the time it was scheduled, but Thana posted the eulogy online-offering friends a way to connect, and comment on the memory of their friend, and support Thana as well. "Obviously I would have liked to have been there in person," Schembari says. "But I could read the eulogy, post a photo. And while [Thana] couldn't respond to every email, it made me feel a little closer to her." While mourning the loss of a friend or loved one is often a community experience, with services and memorials, the advent of social media has broadened that reach--creating digital gravestones, in effect, and a way for people far-flung to connect and help each other cope. Young people, in particular, feel comfortable sharing and expressing themselves online. Twitter, too, is being used to encapsulate feelings and memories, allowing mourners to tweet brief thoughts and emotions, says the Web Ecology Project, which studied the avalanche of tweets around the death of pop star Michael Jackson last year. Unlike the way mourners use Facebook or MySpace, some Jackson fans flocked to Twitter to express sentiments, rather than connect with friends. "It's sort of a place to etch their emotions," says Tim Hwang, managing director of the Web Ecology Project. "But there was less communication between users. There's an element where Twitter is a broadcast medium, and it puts a certain flavor to the communication." Many social media sites allow next of kin to remove pages when someone dies. As Schembari notes, getting messages from Facebook to get back in touch with Niki has been a little disconcerting. However, Facebook also allows pages to be frozen-creating a permanent digital memorial and letting friends continue to comment-but not allowing the addition of any new contacts. The website MyDeathSpace even aggregates MySpace and Facebook pages of those who have passed away, so they can be found and read again, or as with actress Rue McClanahan, who died in June, they become digital remembrances with fans who continue to visit her Facebook page almost daily. While Hwang notes that memorial pages have been created ever since the Web started, Schembari says that social media allows for a unique connection where friends can attend, in effect, a digital memorial whenever they need. "I've seen people put up blog posts when someone dies," says Schembari. "But you don't write to a blog post to express your grief. On Facebook, it's group grief." As we wrote in an article in March ("Grieving 2.0: As Students Turn to Facebook to Mourn, How Should Parents, Teachers and Counselors React?"), this is a trend that schools cannot ignore. In the old days, schools controlled the message; a tragedy happened on a week or at night, and the most students learned about it when arriving on the next school day; counselors were standing by. Today, something happens and it's on Facebook within the hour, grieving groups are forming, and thousands of messages are sent and read. Schools need to learn to deal with Grieving 2.0. I had got a desire to start my own business, but I did not have got enough of money to do this. Thank goodness my close friend advised to take the <a href="http://goodfinance-blog.com/topics/credit-loans">credit loans</a>. Therefore I used the short term loan and realized my dream. Every one admits that men's life is very expensive, however people require money for different stuff and not every one gets big sums money. Thence to receive good loan or short term loan should be a proper way out. * = Required information
Marian Schembari couldn't believe she had to learn about the death of her best friend's brother from Facebook. But after repeated calls to Thana on the phone that were unreturned, plus messages on Thana's brother's Facebook page only growing, the news began to feel real.
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