               Battle of the Kids' Books
Recent Posts
Recent Comments
Most Commented On
ArchivesBlog
Link This | Email this | Blog This | Comments (20)
Big Kahuna RoundMay 6, 2009
COP-OUT I have given my final decision essay a title. Its title is COP-OUT. That is not a bad title, although not as great a title as, say, TENDER MORSELS…. ….which I have read, because even though I was not required to read any of the contenders except the two finalists, I was sent all the contenders (Thank you, publishers. Now will you come to my house and build me some more bookcases, please?) and found that I couldn’t resist. It was a little like shooting a few hoops with Villanova and going one-on-one with Georgetown before finally picking up my whistle and heading out onto the court with North Carolina and Michigan State. And so I read them all. They were all winners. Please, could we just agree on that at the outset? Well-written, brilliantly researched, handsomely designed. I wish I’d written each one of them, and I’m pissed that I didn’t have a book in the running, and am desperately envious of every author involved, even the ones with whom I had a glass of wine last week. So it is clear that the judging of this tournament is completely subjective. Criteria don’t exist when you weigh gold against gold. How, then, to choose? Maturely, I am basing my decision solely on petulance, vengeance, reverse nepotism, and payola. Petulance: I’ll say right up front that my favorite didn’t advance to the final round, so I’ve been sulking for the last two weeks. And why was it my favorite? Brilliant writing, handsome design, masterful wordplay? No! You’re not listening! I said already: they all have that. It came down to total nostalgia evoked by the gorgeous jacket. It took me back in time to my much-loved, here pictured, Volume III of the 1937 My Bookhouse series:
But let us get over it and move on. Reverse Nepotism: Full disclosure: I know M.T. Anderson. We live in the same town. I know him so well that I call him by his name, and not those initials which could, actually, be pronounced “empty” if one were not aware of what a ridiculous epithet that would be in this case. I was recently chairman of a committee that awarded him yet one more medal to add to his very full array. M.T. Anderson is tall, thin, smart, and nice. If he were short, squat, stupid, and irritating, I would give him this award as an act of mercy. Or possibly if he had offered me something of value. But I once ran into him in front of the Chinese restaurant near his house and he did not hand me as much as a fortune cookie. But bribery and mercy: those are shallow methodologies. Instead, I plan to utilize the “thoughtful, sensitive, intelligent, and respectful ways” described by Monica Edinger, who dreamed up this whole circus. I am moving right along, next, to: Vengeance: I have axes to grind against some of the earlier-round judges in this tournament. Roger Sutton, for one. Roger skewered me in one of his blog posts once, and though I called him “Vlad the Impaler” in a retaliatory nose-thumbing comment, I feel that this particular vendetta is not completely over. You want Octavian, Roger? Eat your heart out, baby. It’s my call in the end. As for Linda Sue Park, who has publicly blamed me for her loss on “Jeopardy” (the final answer was Lhasa Aapso, and she stupidly said “Tibetan Terrier” and then whined on her blog that the only reason she said that was because Lois Lowry has a Tibetan Terrier. Excuse me?). And not only that, LSP does not believe in the Designated Hitter rule, which makes her every decision and opinion suspect in my view. You want Octavian, Linda Sue? Hah. And Big Papi is not going to play center field in my lifetime, either. And so we come to Payola: Chris Crutcher has come to my rescue and bailed me out many more times than once. Most notably was the time that I emailed seven well-known kids’ authors to ask their opinion on how to deal with a particular 6th grade teacher who was giving me a huge amount of grief. Six of those authors emailed advice that was conciliatory, tasteful, and sage. Chris Crutcher, on the other hand, recommended that I find out the teacher’s home address and then hire thugs to go there and first scare her, then kill her. I liked that advice and have sometimes wished I had followed it. So I’m with Chris on this one. I like the way he thinks. I choose The Hunger Games. Any book that starts out with 24 children and ends up with 22 of them dead----(one of them eaten alive by canines. I bet he was a very, ah, Tender Morsel)---that’s tough to beat. You don’t like my decision? Find out my home address. Send thugs.
 Oh, Lois! You put out the call for bribes in your bio, and then you end up dissing them as “shallow methodologies” in your decision? Is there no honor among thieves? I want the cases of fortune cookies returned immediately! But, yes, any book that starts out with 24 children and ends up with 22 of them dead is tough to beat. It seems like just yesterday that we were whining about death, death, and more death in Ways to Live Forever and The Kingdom on the Waves. Did we really think the winning book wouldn’t have any? The Kingdom on the Waves had an excellent shot of making it to the finals, of course, if only it could just get past that knife-wielding Man Jack in The Graveyard Book and those dwarf-mauling bears in Tender Morsels. As it turned out, Octavian needn’t have worried about those foes. No, it was Katniss he should have been paying attention to—sneaky, unassuming Katniss, the plucky young girl from District 12 that won our hearts. Huzzah! Posted by Battle Commander on May 6, 2009 | Comments (20)
May 6, 2009
In response to: Big Kahuna Round Sarah Miller commented: That was great fun to read. Thanks, Lois Lowry, for copping out. I will not be sending thugs.
May 6, 2009
In response to: Big Kahuna Round Lauren Downey commented: Well this just made my life! So Hunger Games gets first & third place? I'll go with yes
May 6, 2009
In response to: Big Kahuna Round mta commented:
May 6, 2009
In response to: Big Kahuna Round mta commented: (Whoops ... sorry all the carriage returns were eaten.)
May 6, 2009
In response to: Big Kahuna Round Ellen Wittlinger commented: Leave it to Octavian's Papa to explain to me EXACTLY why I loved Hunger Games so much.
May 6, 2009
In response to: Big Kahuna Round Sondy commented: My goodness, that was a fun contest. Get a bunch of brilliant writers writing about some magnificent books, and you're sure to get high-class entertainment. (Now I definitely need to read them all.) I hope this will indeed be an annual event. Then we can have some fun with more vendettas popping up! Lois, you may have to look out if you have a book in the running next year!
May 6, 2009
In response to: Big Kahuna Round hope commented: t, i like how you're hiding your chagrin. tell Oct we love him. and we all know you are thinking *dang, i should have just let her have the kung pao chicken!*
May 6, 2009
In response to: Big Kahuna Round John Green commented: mta is so good at losing--so smart and thoughtful and compassionate--that I am inspired by his grace and good cheer to send thugs to Lois Lowry's house.
May 6, 2009
In response to: Big Kahuna Round janeyolen commented: Such fun to watch the bloodletting. I mean the judging of course.) No wonder HUNGER GAMES won the round.
May 6, 2009
In response to: Big Kahuna Round Battle Commander commented: Yes, there will definitely be a next year, Jane. Where to send bribes? Hmmm, the Battle Commander needs to put her two heads together and consider that. Oh, hold on --- as we said to Octavian and Hunger -- no bribing!
May 6, 2009
In response to: Big Kahuna Round Suzanne Collins commented: Last night, I finished The Kingdom on the Waves. It's so extraordinary--the language! the imagery! the heartbreak!--that I had the eerie sensation it was not written by a human, but by some marooned alien life form trying to give us a few evolutionary pointers while he awaited the mothership. Revisiting a passage from Dr. Trefusis' wrenching letter to Dr. Fruhling (p. 451) re: the fate of humanity only confirmed my suspicions. Dr. Trefusis, Katniss doesn't want your sugar, she only wants you to be wrong.
May 6, 2009
In response to: Big Kahuna Round BETSY FRASER commented: What fun this has been! Great idea, Monica -- wonderful commentating, Jonathan. Fantastic judging all around. I'm just sad it's over and look forward to next year.
May 7, 2009
In response to: Big Kahuna Round Lisa Yee commented: I've enjoyed every round of the Battle of the Books. I'm assuming this will soon be a reality show with authors duking it out?
May 7, 2009
In response to: Big Kahuna Round hope commented: Ms. Lowry,
May 7, 2009
In response to: Big Kahuna Round Jean Reidy commented: I'm not sure which was better THE HUNGER GAMES or Lois Lowry's post. My only beef with THE HUNGER GAMES was that I wished it didn't have a sequel. I so badly wanted the story to wrap up completely in book one.
May 7, 2009
In response to: Big Kahuna Round Hester Bass commented: OMG, I'm glad to be a children's author! Bottle the wit displayed here and the planet is saved. Fun stuff. Please, sir, I want some more. Bring on the sequels.
May 7, 2009
In response to: Big Kahuna Round laurie halse anderson commented:
May 7, 2009
In response to: Big Kahuna Round Laura (librarian) commented:
May 10, 2009
In response to: Big Kahuna Round KATHLEEN HORNING commented:
May 12, 2009
In response to: Big Kahuna Round bonnie commented: Thanks for the total nostalgia rush! My grandparents used to have a number of those My Book House books - oh, I loved reading those when we'd visit them when I was little. They may even have had that very one with Snow-White and Rose-Red and the bear. I haven't thought about those in years.
Advertisement
|
Advertisements
|
|||||||||||||||
